Fallen
by SuperBlueGirl12
Summary: Rachel finds out about santana's home life and has to help because no one else in the glee club seems to notice.  Deals with abandonment and abuse, rated T for language and mild violence
1. Going Under

**hi guys, i decided to do something different this time,  
>nothing supernatural or scary, just a friendship (possible romance?) between Santana and Rachel<strong>

**all of the chapters are named after Evanescence songs that feature in the chapter**

**deals with abuse and abandonment so you may want to be cautious if you're sensative about that stuff**

**otherwise, enjoy...  
>and please review!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>FALLEN<strong>

**Going Under**

Santana walked into the choir room that afternoon, head down, arms folded across her chest. She had walked right into Coach Sylvester's office that morning and quit the Cheerios. She had brushed off all of the weird glances and odd comments from her classmates, as well as ignoring all of the faculty members who asked if she was alright. She didn't want to talk to them. She didn't want to talk to anyone apart from Brittany. But she was still with Artie, wasn't she. So Santana would just be alone, for now at least because doing anything else was too painful. She took her seat at the back of the room, her favourite spot because she could watch everyone without being watched herself, and kicked her bag under the seat. She was the first one there most days, even beating Rachel Berry which was an achievement in itself. This is how pathetic she had become, getting to glee early because she had no friends, barely a family and nothing better to do with her time. She was sitting filing her nails when Rachel walked in, a weird look on her face but Santana was used to getting them nowadays. 'Good afternoon Santana.' Rachel shrugged off the odd expression she found herself making and plastered a smile on her face, walking over to the front row and placing her books on one of the plastic chairs.

'Berry.' Santana replied, not looking up from what she was doing. Rachel tapped her feet uncomfortably for a few moments before looking up at the Latina.

'So, any reason why you're here and…..' Rachel stopped, Santana finally looking down at her.

'And what Berry?'

'And not in your uniform?' She asked timidly, Santana's expression changing. Why would Berry care?

'Oh, erm, I quit the Cheerios.' Santana replied matter-of-factly, no emotion.

'Really? I thought you enjoyed cheerleading?' Rachel continued making conversation, annoying Santana to no end.

'I did. Now I don't.' Santana replied, once again filing her already perfect nails. Rachel couldn't help but notice the changes in the other girls behaviour. She hadn't really insulted her yet and she looked almost, defeated, in the way she was sitting. She was wearing dark blue jeans and a white top, the smaller girl not sure what was on it because a black zip-up hoodie was covering the rest of her upper body. The outfit was complete with black and white converse, a look that Rachel thought suited the Latina, in some weird way.

'Have you had a chance to look into Mr Schu's latest assignment?' Rachel asked, now feeling comfortable enough to move up to the second row and take a seat in front of Santana, the squeaking of the chair as she sat, startling the girl, Rachel now looking more confused than ever.

'Yeah, I did.' She replied, swallowing and looking into Rachel's eyes. 'I do enjoy glee you know. I'm not just messing around in here.'

'I know that Santana.' Rachel nodded, never seeing the feisty Latina so sincere, or jumpy. 'I didn't mean to startle you a moment ago.' Rachel assured her.

'No worries.' Santana said, looking back down before whispering; 'I'm used to it.' Rachel was about to question Santana's last remark when the room began to fill, Quinn coming in first with Puck, followed by the football guys and Finn, and lastly the rest of the girls, Sugar and Brittany laughing about something at the end. Brittany immediately placed herself on Artie's lap, and Rachel couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't sitting next to Santana. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen their pinkies linked. Mr Schu was the last to arrive, as usual, throwing his briefcase down onto the piano and walking into the centre of the room.

'Okay guys, who has something for us?' He asked, wanting to kick everything off right away. Lots of hands went up in the air, Rachel of course, along with Kurt and Blaine, Mercedes and Tina. But there was another hand up that surprised everyone. Santana's. 'Let me see… Santana.' He pointed at her and she stepped down, pulling the hood of her jumper over her head before whispering the song to Brad, who then instructed the rest of the room. The rock music began and Rachel had never found herself concentrating harder on a performance.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you,  
><em>_Fifty thousand tears I've cried.  
><em>_Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you,  
><em>_And you still wont hear me.  
><em>_Going under._

_Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself.  
><em>_Maybe I'll wake up for once.  
><em>_Not tormented daily defeated by you.  
><em>_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom.  
><em>_I'm dying again. _

_I'm going under,  
><em>_Drowning in you,  
><em>_I'm falling forever,  
><em>_I've got to break through.  
><em>_I'm going under. _

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,  
><em>_So I don't know what's real and what's not.  
><em>_Always confusing the thoughts in my head,  
><em>_So I can't trust myself any more.  
><em>_I'm dying again. _

_I'm going under,  
><em>_Drowning in you,  
><em>_I'm falling forever,  
><em>_I've got to break through.  
><em>_I'm going under. _

_So go on, and scream,  
><em>_Scream at me, I'm so far away.  
><em>_I wont be broken again,  
><em>_I've got to breath, I cant keep going under.  
><em>_I'm dying again. _

_I'm going under,  
><em>_Drowning in you,  
><em>_I'm falling forever,  
><em>_I've got to break through.  
><em>_I'm going under.  
><em>_I'm going under,  
><em>_I'm going under.  
><em>_I'm going under. _

The music stopped and Santana was standing breathless in the middle of the room, a few slow claps echoing around the now silent choir room. Her hood had fallen down at some point, revealing the mess of hair flowing freely around her shoulders. It was sexy messy though, not like she hadn't brushed it in a week kind of messy. She had tears in her eyes which only Rachel seemed to notice, everyone else just thinking that it was such a strange song for her to sing. 'Well, that was interesting Santana.' Mr Schu said, walking to stand next to her. He was about to place his hand on her shoulder but she flinched away, moving a foot to her left so that she didn't come into contact with her teacher. 'Would you care to explain to us why you chose that song? I think we could all use the insight.' He smiled, the Latina shaking her head and putting the microphone down.

'Think what you like. I have nothing to say.' She said, before throwing her hood back over her head to cover most of her face and moving to sit back in her seat. The rehearsal continued in a normal fashion after that, everyone who had a song prepared went up to sing, getting a round of applause and a standing ovation. This then led Rachel to wonder why they didn't do the same for Santana? Sure it was an odd song to pick, but she sang it well enough, she was great actually, but they only saw how weird it was. Just then the bell rang everyone getting up and leaving with smiles on their faces.

'Rachel, we'll start with you next time alright?' Mr Schu called as he was on the way out.

'Sure Mr Schu.' She replied, but she wasn't really interested. All she wanted to do was talk to Santana, but as she turned around she saw an empty chair. She must have left when everyone else did. Rachel sighed and picked up her things, walking out of the choir room and bumping into Quinn and the rest of the girls, plus Kurt. 'Woah Quinn, sorry I didn't see you there.' Rachel apologised.

'That's okay Rachel, we were actually coming to find you.' Quinn smiled.

'Oh really, why?' Rachel asked, slightly bewildered.

'Well, it's our last year all together. We need to stop being enemies. So we're all going to grab coffee and start the term right. Would you like to join us?' She asked, Rachel scanning the group and noticing everyone minus a certain Latina.

'Sure Quinn, I'd love to, but where's Santana?'

'What do you mean?' Quinn asked.

'Well, you said about not being enemies, I assumed we were including everyone in that.' Rachel said as she walked beside the tall blonde as they headed out of the building.

'Oh right, Brit, did you invite her?' Quinn turned to the other girl.

'I couldn't find her.' Was Brittany's response, the rest of the group taking that as s good enough reason but Rachel wasn't convinced.

* * *

><p>They were sitting in the Lima Bean about half and hour later, all with their choice of hot beverage, or in Mercedes case, a chilled mocha smoothie, and chatting about the upcoming year. Rachel was still hung up on this Santana thing, not being able to get her head around it. She was off the cheerios, she sang that song, and was generally acting strange. She couldn't sit on it any longer, she had to say something and try to get to the bottom of it. 'Have you guys noticed anything strange about Santana lately?'<p>

'What?' Tina asked, all of them looking over at Rachel. 'Strange how?'

'Just anything really, I mean, Brittany why did she quit the team? You're still on it.' Rachel pointed out, picking up her drink and making sure it was cool enough.

'San didn't really like the Cheerios when she was one. I think she wanted to quit ages ago.' Brittany informed them.

'I know what you mean.' Quinn added. 'Especially the last few months last term, she was so, I don't know, far away all of the time. Like she wasn't interested.'

'Okay, but why?' Rachel asked, still slightly bewildered.

'Why what? She probably just got bored of it.' Kurt suggested. 'That girl is always looking for better things to do.'

'Is that why no one invited her?' Rachel whispered. 'Because you thought she had something to better to do?'

'No, Brit said she couldn't find her.' Sugar reminded her.

'Did you even look Brit?' Rachel asked, looking over at the blonde who looked into her lap.

'No, but she always has something else to do these days. So eventually I had to give up trying.'

'That's great. You're meant to be her best friend Brittany.' Rachel said, her voice raising.

'Chill out Rachel, why are you yelling at Brit?' Quinn defended, the brunette putting her hands up in apology.

'I'm sorry, okay, but haven't you noticed the other things?' Rachel asked.

'What other things? Apart from the clothes she seems like her normal bitchy self.' Tina said, Rachel shaking her head.

'I mean the things like how skinny she is. And that she's trying to hide it with the baggy hoodie. Or the fact that she moved away from Mr Schu's touch, like she was scared of him or something. Or the fact that she sang an incredibly painful song in glee today, and all we could muster was a pathetic slow clap because we thought it was so strange.' She said, taking a breath finally to study their faces. 'Or how about the fact that when she finished singing, she was close to tears. Seriously, did none of you notice that?'

'No, I… I guess we didn't.' Quinn said, looking slightly ashamed of herself along with the rest of the group.

'What about over the summer? Quinn you said she was acting strange before summer, but did anything major happen?' Rachel asked. 'What about her parents, siblings?'

'Santana only has a dad.' Brittany informed them, no one knowing anything about Santana's home life except Brittany and Quinn.

'No brothers, or sisters? Where's her mum?' Mercedes asked.

'No, no brothers or sisters.' Quinn said. 'And the only thing she told us about her mum was that she left.'

'San doesn't like to talk about it.' Brittany added.

'Well I think we need to see what's going on with her.' Rachel said, swallowing the last of her drink.

'Don't you think she would have told us, if she wanted us to know.' Kurt wondered out loud.

'No.' Quinn said firmly. 'She's Santana. She will wait until it eats her alive and then she will break.'

'Well then we need to help her, talk to her and find out what's going on before that happens.' Rachel said, standing up and expecting everyone to follow her lead. When no one moved she was confused again. 'Come on then.'

'Look Rachel, I know you think we're horrible friends. But we have tried.' Quinn assured her. 'We have tried so hard to get through to her but she never listens.'

'So,' Rachel put her hands on her hips. 'You will just wait until she breaks and then what? Pick up the pieces.'

'It's what always happens Rachel.' Brittany said quietly.

'Not this time it isn't.' She said, picking up her bag and heading out of the door.


	2. Everybody's Fool

**Everybody's Fool**

'Santana!' Rachel shouted. 'Santana!' She repeated, banging on the front door to the Latina's house. It was getting dark and Rachel was worried, not only for her friend but for herself. She had never been to Lima Heights but she was pretty sure she would be more afraid of it in the dark. 'Santana open the door!' She called, still banging on the wooden door, painted roughly in red. She could see chips of paint coming away as she knocked. When Santana said she lived in Lima Heights she meant it, her house was tiny and un-welcoming. It conjoined with the one next to it, and if it wasn't on the end of the street it would have another one the other side. The garden was all overgrown and rugged, like wild animals could live in it. Rachel also suspected that Santana had lied about her father's profession. No way would a doctor live out here. 'Santana please.' She said, her voice failing her as she was about to give up hope. She sighed, taking her phone out and trying to call her, when she saw that her screen was already lit up with a message.

_Won't do you any good banging Berry. I'm at the park across the street. - Santana_

Rachel sighed once again, closing her phone and swivelling on her heels. Sure enough, across the street was a park, and as she went closer Rachel could see the outline of a person swinging in the darkness. 'You could have come over and stopped me.' Rachel said, perching herself on the swing next to the Latina.

'And ruin all your fun.' Santana smirked.

'Aren't you cold?' Rachel said changing the subject, the hoodie Santana was wearing all day being her only source of warmth.

'No.' She laughed. 'I can't feel much these days.' She said, looking over to Rachel with a sad smile.

'I'm sorry Santana.'

'Sorry for what?'

'I know that song you sang today, it was a cry for help and nobody heard it.' Santana shook her head and laughed again, stepping off of the swing.

'Look Berry, I didn't ask for you to drive all the way out here to feel sorry for me, and I certainly don't need your help. It was not a cry for anything, especially you.' She said, walking away and getting to the road when the smaller girl reached her.

'Whatever it was Santana, I believe you need someone to talk to.' Rachel said, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. She stumbled and ripped her arm away, looking at Rachel with wide eyes. 'I'm sorry, I didn't..'

'No it's fine.' Santana said, clearing her throat and regaining her composure. 'I gotta go.'

'Santana!' Rachel called after her, the Latina simply opening her front door and walking inside. Not locked. Rachel chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments. She saw her car, part of her really wanting to get in it and drive away. Say she tried, she really tried, but then she would be lying to herself. She exhaled heavily and walked back up to the door, pulling down on the handle and allowing it to swing open. The inside was similar to the outside, untamed and random. Colours that didn't match, furniture that had seen better days, and wallpaper that was almost not there any more. Rachel couldn't help but contrast it with her own home, full of bright colours and pillows, a burning fire place that welcomed her home in the winter months. Looking around made her sad, like she wanted to cry right then and there, but she couldn't. She needed to find her friend.

'Figures you'd just follow me.' A voice came from the top of the stairs, Rachel jumping and placing a hand over her heart.

'Jesus, Santana you scared me.' She exhaled, watching as the figure walked slowly towards her.

'I scared you?' Santana questioned. 'You're the one breaking and entering Berry.' Santana pointed out, walking past her. Rachel took this as a sign to follow, she hadn't been kicked out after all, so she scurried after the Latina.

'Your door was unlocked.' Rachel reminded her.

'So, do you live here?' Santana questioned, Rachel shaking her head. 'Well then, you broke in.' Santana grinned. 'I could call the cops and have you arrested.'

'Santana I hardly think this is the time for jokes.'

'I know, you're right.' Santana sat down on a rickety stool in the kitchen. 'The cops wouldn't bother coming out this far anyway.'

'Santana….'

'What Berry? Why didn't you just go home and say you tried? That's what everyone else does, and that's the way I like it.' She shouted, standing up and facing Rachel.

'I.. I told you Santana. I think you need someone to talk to.' Santana shook her head again, pulling a bottle of vodka from the otherwise empty cupboards and heading into a different room. Rachel followed her and once again took in her surroundings. She also noticed how Santana didn't put on any lights, there wasn't even one over her front porch indicating that someone was home. Houses without porch lights are more prone to break-ins, especially ones with the front door unlocked. They ended up going back up the stairs, Santana saying nothing but taking occasional swigs of straight vodka from the bottle, Rachel noticing her hand shaking as she lowered it back beside her thigh. The next room they were in was Santana's bedroom, dark and lonely. All she had was a bed and a wardrobe, with a small desk and a stack of books on it. One of the books had been placed on her bed, used as a portable desk to support a candle, the only source of light in the whole house. Rachel wondered if that had been alight since Santana was outside, the whole damn house could have burned down. The Latina sat gently on the bed so not to disturb the flame, motioning for Rachel to find somewhere to sit. She did so, on a small chair, something Santana probably had when she was little and just hadn't thrown away yet.

'So, you wanna talk huh?' Santana said, taking another mouthful of vodka. 'Oh sorry, where are my manners.' She said, holding out the bottle of vodka. 'You want some?'

'No, thank you Santana, I'll pass.' Rachel said politely.

'Suit yourself.' The brunette said, taking another long gulp and then setting it down on the book. Fire and alcohol, not a good combination, but it was under control at the moment so Rachel let it go.

'Santana, why are there no lights on?' Rachel asked, Santana now lying flat on her back.

'Dad forgot to pay the bills again. No electric, no water, no phone.'

'Oh, right.' Rachel said, brushing her skirt down to give her hands something to do. 'And where is he?' Rachel asked, Santana looking out of the corner of her eye to make contact with Rachel's.

'He's…' Santana sighed. 'He's wherever he wants to be Berry. Don't have much control over him you know.' She laughed, Rachel not finding it funny.

'Why did you lie?' Rachel asked, Santana shooting her an evil look.

'About what?' She asked, her voice darkening.

'About what your dad does for a living. He's not a doctor is he?'

'Hey, I didn't lie about shit okay.' Santana shouted, sitting up. 'He is a doctor, or he was a doctor when people first asked.'

'What do you mean?' Rachel asked, Santana running a hand through her hair.

'People stopped asking about my parents so I just didn't offer them new information, okay. He was a doctor until he got fired.' She picked up the bottle of vodka and took a drink. 'Too much alcohol.' She informed Rachel, shaking the bottle at her. 'I had to get it from somewhere right.' She smiled. 'Now we just kind of roll with whatever work he can get. As you can see, it's not all that good sometimes.'

'It's not funny Santana.'

'Well it has to be something.' The Latina whispered.

'If your dad is an alcoholic you need to help him.' Rachel said.

'Who the fuck do you think you are Berry?' Santana asked, swinging her legs over the bed and leaning on her knees. 'You have no idea about me so don't come in here and tell me how to live my life.'

'I just, I want to help you Santana.'

'Why?' She whispered, Rachel coming to sit next to her on the bed, careful not to disturb the candle.

'Because from what I've seen so far, you deserve better than this.'

'Maybe.' Santana said even more quietly.

'No, definitely Santana.' Rachel assured her, placing a comforting hand on her back and waiting for her to flinch, but she didn't. Rachel smiled.

'Hey Berry.' Santana looked up at her.

'Yes Santana.'

'I have another song I wanted to do in glee. But as we saw earlier none of them really care.' She stood up and paced around, finally looking back down at the smaller girl. 'Would you let me sing it for you now?'

'Of course Santana, I'd love to hear it.' Rachel beamed, picking up the candle and holding it as she crossed her legs on the bed.

'No electricity for music so it's gonna be accapella, or lame, so just go with it.'

'I'm sure you'll be great Santana, go for it.' Rachel encouraged, and Santana began.

_Perfect by nature,  
><em>_Icons of self indulgence,  
><em>_Just what we all need,  
><em>_More lies about a world that,  
><em>_  
>Never was and never will be,<br>__Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
><em>_You know you've got everybody fooled._

_Look here she comes now,  
><em>_Bow down and stare in wonder.  
><em>_Oh how we love you,  
><em>_No flaws when you're pretending,  
><em>_But now I know she _

_Never was and never will be,  
><em>_Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
><em>_You know you've got everybody fooled._

_Without the mask, where will you hide?  
><em>_Can't find yourself, lost in your lie._

_I know the truth now,  
><em>_I know who you really are,  
><em>_And I don't love you any more. _

_It never was and never will be,  
><em>_You don't know how you've betrayed me,  
><em>_And somehow you've got everybody fooled  
><em>_Never was and never will be,  
><em>_Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
><em>_You know you've got everybody fooled. _

'Wow, Santana that was really lovely.' Rachel said, smiling through the light of the candle at the girl in front of her.

'Thanks.' She said quietly, sitting back down beside Rachel. She reached for the bottle of vodka but Rachel gripped her wrist, both girls locking eyes.

'You don't need that.' Rachel assured her, Santana nodding for the moment but she looked unsure. Rachel's heart broke, looking at this girl who thought alcohol was the only road to go down. 'Why were you going to sing that song in glee?'

'I don't know really.' Santana looked back across the room, focusing on the wall in front of them. Well, what she could see of it anyway. 'I guess, people always got this impression of me as some rich, stuck up bitch with the doctor for a daddy.'

'You did kind of let them think that though.' Rachel pointed out.

'That's because it's easier than telling them the truth.' Santana looked down and played with the sheet below her. 'It's easier to have everyone fear you that pity you.'

'Do you really believe that?' Rachel asked.

'Hell yes Rachel, going to our school. They pick up on any little thing and tear you down. If they knew I lived here, in this shit hole with no electricity or hot water most of the time…' She sighed. 'I would never live it down.'

'Okay, so let me ask you again.' Santana looked up at her. 'Why were you going to sing that dong in glee club?'

'Because I thought…' She looked away from the diva and put her head in her hands. 'Jesus, because I thought you guys might accept it if I told you the truth. I am so sick of living like this Rachel. Pretending like I hate everything and everyone, just to make sure that they don't care enough to actually find out about me by themselves.' Santana frustratingly wiped a tear away from her cheek and started to pace again. 'I thought I could tell the glee club, because we're supposed to accept each other and love each other no matter how shitty we are, you know, but now, now I'm not so sure.'

'Why? You can still sing the song, explain to people…'

'Explain what? Why I'm such a bitch? Explain why I've tormented all of you for years? Nobody noticed when I sang today Rachel, they couldn't give a fuck and I know that's my fault but…. I think I made a mistake.'

'No Santana, you didn't, please just try again.' Rachel asked, setting the candle down and standing up beside her.

'No, no I can't.' Santana shook her head. 'Even Brittany has stopped trying, that's how bad it is now, so I just can't.'

'But Santana why not?' Rachel pleaded once more. 'Maybe Brittany just needed you to help her, why can't you just try again?'

'Because I can't have anyone else reject me, I wont make it.' She said, and was now actively crying, Rachel wondering if there was something else going on.

'Santana, who rejected you?' Rachel asked, brunette eyes locking when a loud bang echoed from downstairs.

'Shit.' Santana whispered, Rachel noticing the look of fear across her face.

'Santana!' They heard from downstairs. 'Santana, where the fuck are you!' The voice shouted again.

'Shit, that's my dad.' Santana told Rachel. 'You have to go.'

'But Santana…..' Rachel started, but the Latina was already ushering her to the window.

'No, please just go. NOW!' Santana shouted in a hushed tone, really trying to emphasize the importance of Rachel leaving.

'Alright, but please text me later. Tell me you're okay.' Rachel begged.

'Okay I will now please go.' She said, opening the window and pointing out the trellis to climb down.

'Santana, get the fuck down here!' Her father shouted again.

'I'll see you tomorrow at school Berry.' Santana said finally.

'Text me Santana, I mean it. I'll come back round if you don't.' Rachel looked at her sternly.

'Gees Berry fine, now leave.' Santana said, closing the window just as the door to her room burst open. Rachel didn't hear the rest of the conversation, already half way down and then jumping onto the floor and heading back to her car. She knew Santana wouldn't text her, so Rachel would have to be the one calling. She needed to know she was alright. That house, her father, nothing seemed right.


	3. Hello

**Hello**

It was almost eleven thirty when Santana called, Rachel getting more and more worried as the night went on and she was just about to call herself when her phone lit up. 'Santana!' Rachel almost shouted down the phone. 'Are you okay?'

'Chill Berry, I'm fine.' Santana said, but something in her voice let the smaller girl to believe otherwise.

'Are you sure Santana?' Rachel asked, sitting on her bed and crossing her arms.

'Yeah, whatever.' Santana replied, Rachel hearing her sigh on the other end of the line. Rachel could almost picture the other girl leaning back and rubbing a hand over her tired eyes.

'Santana,' Rachel whispered. 'Please be honest with me.' Rachel asked, not sure that her friend would cave that easily, but she asked again. 'Are you okay?' There was a slight pause on the other end, Rachel suspecting that Santana was trying to find some excuse to tell her, but then she heard;

'No, no I'm not okay.' She said, and Rachel thought she could almost hear her start to cry.

'Alright.' Rachel said, exhaling a sigh of relief. Admitting it was the first step right? But then she heard a strange noise, assuming that a string of cars driving past Santana's back room bedroom was strange. 'Santana, were are you?' Rachel asked, sitting up and ready to stand.

'I'm… I'm in my car.' The Latina admitted.

'Okay, where is your car?' Rachel asked, another pause on the other end of the line.

'It's….' She sighed. 'It's outside your house.'

'What? How long have you been here?' Rachel shouted, suddenly realising she had and lowered her voice.

'Couple of hours.' Santana said. 'I was thinking.'

'You could have told me Santana, I was worried about you.' Rachel ranted, walking out of her door and hurrying over to the window.

'I know, I'm sorry.' Santana whispered, 'I've just never had anyone care that much, I don't know how to do this Rachel.' She cried, the diva stopping and pulling back her curtain. She saw the inside light of Santana's car shining down on the other girl. Rachel saw her crying, listening to her on the phone as she put her hand over her eyes and sobbed. Without thinking, Rachel hang up the phone and unlocked her front door, walking right up to her friends care and knocking gently on the window. She didn't mean to startle Santana but the girl flinched anyway, Rachel raising her hands in defence as Santana rolled the window down.

'Sorry.' Rachel said, Santana nodding as she tried to compose herself.

'It's okay.' Santana smiled up at her. 'I didn't mean to ruin your night.'

'Santana, you didn't ruin anything.' Rachel assured her, the divas face turning into a frown as Santana looked past her and towards the houses on the street. 'Santana what is that?'

'What's what?' The brunette asked.

'That.' Rachel lifted her hand up and caressed Santana's cheek. 'Is that a, a bruise?'

'So what if it is?' Santana shrugged, turning away and trying to play cool.

'That's it, come on.' Rachel said firmly, tugging open Santana's door.

'What are you doing Berry?'

'Come on, you can't spend the night out here.' Rachel told her.

'Who says I can't? It's not like I haven't before.' Santana said, sharing the information much to willingly as the words seemed to flow out. She hated that effect that Rachel had on her, making her so open.

'You have before?' Rachel whispered, Santana nodding sadly. 'Please San, come inside with me.'

'Fine.' Santana said, slipping out of the car and closing the door gently behind her.

'Didn't you bring any stuff with you?' Rachel asked as she let the Latina up the path.

'No time to pack really.'

'Right.' Rachel bowed her head, thinking that was probably a stupid question come to think of it. 'I'm sorry Santana.'

'Yeah you said that already.' Santana reminded her.

'Yes I did, didn't I.' Rachel said, closing the door after both girls stepped thorough. 'Come on. We have to be quiet because my dads are sleeping.'

'Sure.' Santana nodded, wrapping her arms around herself as she looked around the Berry home. Was it wrong how jealous she was?

'My room's up here, I'll get you something to sleep in.' Rachel whispered, showing Santana to her bedroom and then heading down the hall. Santana stepped inside the room, a large double bed filling up a lot of it, sitting herself down on the computer chair and swivelling it around to face the rest of the room. It was painted pure white, Broadway and music posters everywhere but they looked arranged so that they didn't clutter the walls. The bed was a four poster with curtains along two of the sides, peach coloured with light green and purple pillows over a pastel pink bed sheet. It was nice, and understated, and not at all what Santana was expecting. 'Here you go.' Rachel said when she appeared in the room moments later. Holding out a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a vest top.

'Thanks.' Santana said, taking them and placing them on the desk behind her.

'I thought this might help too, your face.' Rachel said, holding out a cold, damp towel for Santana to put over the darkening marks. 'It might stop any more swelling.' Rachel said, noticing that her friend's left eye was slightly larger around the edges. Santana took it gratefully and turned to the mirror, placing it over the bruise and wincing in the process. A few moments later Santana was changed, her clothes folded neatly and placed in a pile on the desk, and she found herself sliding into bed with none other than Rachel Berry. It was awkward at first, but then Santana relaxed. She felt the genuine warmth of the sheets, the friendly feeling of the room, of the entire house. She even felt a wonderful thing coming from Rachel. No judgement, no pity, just a friend being there for her. But at this point she didn't think she deserved to call Rachel a friend, not yet anyway.

'He usually doesn't go near my face.' Santana said after a few moments, Rachel rolling over, just about making out the taller girls face in the moonlight.

'What?' Rachel whispered.

'My, my dad. Usually he wouldn't go for my face.' Santana informed her, Rachel wanting to respond but she thought it best to let Santana explain on her own terms. 'He picks places that people wont notice, places they wont see. The top of my legs or my stomach usually.' She swallowed, rolling over to lie on her side, facing Rachel and looking into her eyes. 'Lately he's been getting worse, with all the drinking especially, but he just forgets.' Santana explained, Rachel watching a tear fall down onto the pillow below. 'He forgets that people will see.'

'Is that why you quit the Cheerios?' Rachel asked, finding the right question to ask.

'Yeah.' She whispered, letting a sad smile spread across her face. 'The uniform has no sleeves.'

'Santana, I'm so….'

'Rachel, please don't say you're sorry again.' Santana closed her eyes and let more tears fall, Rachel whispering;

'Okay, goodnight Santana.' Before linking her hand with the Latinas. Santana smiled with her eyes till closed, Rachel doing the same as she started to drift off.

'Thank you.' Santana then mouthed, and seeing that the smaller girl was asleep she finally tried to close her own eyes.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke up some time later, feeling a cold space beside her where Santana was once lying. She rolled over in the darkness and grabbed her phone off of the side, flipping it open and seeing that only just over an hour had passed, almost one in the morning now. She groaned and ran a hand over her eyes, trying to focus in the darkness. There was still no sign of the Latina so she switched the bedside lamp on. She jumped as a figure was illuminated, Santana sitting on the window seat and staring out onto the road. 'Santana?' She whispered, throwing the covers off of herself and stepping out of the bed.<p>

'It's so peaceful here.' Santana replied, Rachel walking over to stand behind her, hugging her arms around herself as she did so.

'Yeah, it's nice.' Rachel agreed, Santana swivelling around to face her. Rachel's smile faltered as she saw the bruise around her friends eye, black and purple shapes covering the entire left side of her face.

'Pretty right?' Santana grinned, pointing up. 'The eye.'

'Santana….' Rachel sighed, unfolding her arms and sitting opposite her.

'I know, I'm sorry.' Santana said, looking away from Rachel and back out of the window. 'Seriously, I don't think I've every lived anywhere this quiet.' She smiled. 'People round my way always seem to be awake.'

'Well I think this quiet would be an excellent opportunity for you to catch up on your sleep then.' Rachel suggested, knocking the taller girl on the knee.

'Yeah, but….. I can't.' Santana admitted.

'Why not?' Rachel asked.

'Afraid.' Santana said plainly, Rachel waiting for her to elaborate, but she didn't.

'What are you afraid of?' Rachel questioned, again feeling like she's asking a stupid question, but then Santana looked at her.

'Everything.' She whispered, a tear falling painfully out of her bruised eye, the Latina wiping it away gently. Rachel could feel herself tearing up. She hated that this was happening. She knows she has never been the first to jump on the Santana band wagon, or even consider herself maybe being friends with the girl in the past, but now, now everything has changed. She didn't see the bitch, the popular girl trying to one up her rivals for captain. She only saw the child from a broken home, in need of love, and safety, and a friend.

'Come on.' Rachel said, holding out her hand for the other girl.

'What are you doing?' Santana asked after taking Rachel's hand. Rachel led her over to the bed.

'Get in.' Rachel ordered.

'Are you trying to get me into bed with you Berry?' Santana grinned.

'Shut up Santana.' Rachel said, stifling back a smile of her own. 'Get in.'

'Alright.' Santana said, slipping back under the covers and waiting for Rachel to get in beside her. Rachel then proceeded to pull her closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and turning out the light.

'Try and sleep okay, you have nothing to be afraid of here.' Rachel whispered, Santana sinking into her warm embrace and closing her eyes. After a few silent moments Rachel began humming, Santana's eyebrow raising in confusion but she listened, and then Rachel began to sing;

_Playground school bell rings again…_

'Berry, are you singing me to sleep?' Santana asked, a hint of laughter in her voice.

'Don't interrupt.' Rachel said firmly, Santana grinning in the darkness as she obeyed and listened to Rachel's tone perfect lullaby;

_Playground school bell rings again,  
><em>_Rain clouds come to play again,  
><em>_Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
><em>_Hello, I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to,  
><em>_Hello. _

_If I smile and don't believe,  
><em>_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,  
><em>_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.  
><em>_Hello, I am the lie living for you so you can hide,  
><em>_Don't cry. _

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,  
><em>_Hello, I'm still here,  
><em>_All that's left of yesterday…._

Rachel stopped when she heard the sound of Santana, rhythmically breathing so she knew she was asleep. Only then did the diva let herself drift off, hoping to get a few more hours before they had to go to school. School. What were they going to do? They would have to go back to Santana's for her things. But what if her dad was there? What if he was mad at her for leaving? A million terrible scenarios ran through Rachel's mind as she tried to sleep, eventually deciding that the best thing to do would be to block them all out. Until morning at least.


	4. Disappear

**Chapter 4 - Disappear**

Rachel woke up once again, but this time to the sound of her alarm clock blaring at her. She slammed it off and then rolled over to where Santana was. Or, where she should have been. 'Santana?' Rachel said. 'Santana?' She called a little louder, but no answer. She went to the bathroom and then the kitchen, and then every other room in her house. And the Latina wasn't anywhere to be found. She finally pulled the curtain back in her living room and saw that Santana's car was gone too. 'Damn it Santana.' Rachel said to herself, finally realising that her friend must have gone home. She ran back up to her room and tried to call Santana's phone but there was no answer. She left a message and a text basically telling Santana to contact her or else and then started to get ready for school. She left it until the last moment to call Santana again, having still heard nothing from her friend, calling ten minutes before she left. This time, Santana did answer, Rachel not giving her time to say anything. 'Where are you? Why did you leave? Santana, I was so worried about you….'

'Rachel….' Santana said quietly.

'You could have left a note, or something….'

'Rachel!' Santana shouted, Rachel finally breaking out of her rant.

'Sorry, I'm sorry, are you okay?'

'Yeah, I just went home to get ready for school.' Santana explained. 'I was in the shower when you called earlier and your text only just came through.'

'Oh, alright. Wasn't your shower cold?' Rachel asked, breathing out a sigh of relief.

'Yeah, you kind of get used to them after a while though.' Santana admitted.

'Okay, what about your dad?'

'He's gone, don't know where.' Santana said, Rachel hearing the sadness in her voice.

'Well, as long as you're okay.' Rachel said, listening to Santana rummaging around on the other end of the phone. 'What are you doing?'

'Trying to find some make-up. I forgot to get more, must have used it all up the last time.' Santana said, pulling open all the drawers in her bathroom.

'The last time….' Rachel whispered, and then she realised. The bruise. Santana was trying to hide it. 'Santana, come over here okay. I have stuff you can borrow.'

'Are you sure?' Santana asked, stopping her search.

'I'm positive.' Rachel smiled down the phone, Santana agreeing before hanging up.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, when they were supposed to be arriving at school, Santana was sitting on the edge of Rachel's bath, waiting for the diva to come in. Rachel arrived a few moments later, various consealers and make up shades in her hands. She put them on the side and watched as Santana started to look through them, trying to find the best to match her skin colour. 'Why do you have all these different colours Berry?' Santana smiled.<p>

'I do a lot of community theatre, I'm not always sure what light I'll be performing in so I am always prepared.' She grinned, Santana laughing.

'Well, good for me.' She joked, finally picking up the darkest shade she could find. She opened the lid and started applying the consealer to a sponge before gently running it over the bruising. Rachel noticed her wince almost every time she did so, but sat by patiently and waited for her to finish. By the time she was finished the bruise was barely noticeable, only to be found by someone really looking for it. Santana then stared at herself in the mirror and sighed, leaning on her hands before looking over to Rachel. 'Thanks Rachel.'

'You're welcome Santana.' She smiled, tidying the make-up away. They were walking back down the stairs when Santana realised what the time was.

'Shit Berry, we've missed almost half of first period.' Santana said.

'I know.' Rachel shrugged, both girls walking out of the front door and headed to Santana's car.

'Aren't you like really pissed off with me right now?' Santana asked. 'What about your perfect attendance?'

'Who cares about perfect attendance?' Rachel looked at her as she went around to the passengers side of the car. 'Some things are more important.' Rachel assured her, Santana smiling as she slipped into the drivers seat.

'Can I ask you something?' Rachel asked about five minutes into the journey.

'Sure.' Santana whispered, not taking her eyes from the road.

'Do you maybe want to skip school, just until after lunch.' Rachel added. 'We can get coffee and relax, just talk.' They stopped at a red signal, Santana looking over to the smaller girl with a smirk on her face.

'Wow, didn't think you had it in you Berry.' She said, Rachel rolling her eyes.

'Santana, you are making this so difficult.' Rachel said, shaking her head and laughing slightly.

'Okay, I'm sorry. How about, I'd love to skip with you Rachel.' She smiled, turning the car in the opposite direction and heading for the Lima Bean. They sat in a booth in the back, really private and cosy, Rachel walking over with two coffees and a slice of cake for them to share. She could never finish a whole one by herself and her dads didn't like the cake she picked, it would be nice to share it with someone. 'Thanks.' Santana said, Rachel sitting in the booth opposite her.

'No problem.' Rachel responded. After a few minutes of coffee drinking and awkwardness, Rachel decided to make a start. 'How long has this been going on Santana?' Rachel asked, the Latina looking up at her and setting her drink down on the table.

'It wasn't really bad until my mum left. It's not like it was since birth or anything.' Santana said, trying to make light of the conversation.

'Okay, well, when did your mum leave?' Rachel questioned, Santana now playing with the spoon in her mug.

'About three years ago.' Santana told her. 'I was fourteen.'

'Do you mind me asking why she left?' Rachel wondered aloud, seeing Santana shrink back into herself slightly, leaning back against the seat. 'You mentioned the other day that someone rejected you.' Santana once again sat silently. 'It was your mum, wasn't it.' Santana nodded, leaning forwards and placing her arms on the table before speaking.

'I woke up one morning and there was a letter. It was stuck to the fridge with a magnet, one of the ones you use to spell out words with. I remember she used my initial.' Santana cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably before continuing. 'But anyway, I was up before my dad because he had a late night at the hospital, usually mum would be in the kitchen waiting for me, but all I found was the letter.'

'Santana, I didn't meant to pry, you don't…'

'Chill Berry, I want to….. I need to.' Santana said, Rachel nodding and letting her continue. 'So, I opened it. Thinking my mum had to run out quickly, or got called into the office she worked in.' Rachel nodded again, Santana running a hand through her hair. 'But it wasn't that. She basically wrote two pages about how she never wanted this life. She never wanted to be stuck in Lima with a kid and a workaholic husband.'

'So why did they move here in the first place?' Rachel asked.

'My dad was an Orthopaedic surgeon, one of the best new guys, and he was offered a position to head up the entire Orthopaedic department at Lima General. He took it, he had to, not just for the money but for the reputation.'

'Sure, yeah. And he was already married to your mum?' Rachel took a sip of her drink, listening carefully.

'He was. But he told her it would be for a couple of years max, he only wanted to do it for something great to put on his CV.'

'So, what happened? Why did they stay for so long?' Rachel asked, Santana looking up at her with sad eyes.

'She got pregnant.' Santana informed the girl opposite her. 'The story as I know it, is that they bought a proper house and decided to do the whole happy family thing for a while.' Santana snorted. 'Lasted for about seven years before mum got bored. Dad would be working all hours and mum would think he didn't love her any more. Or mum would go out to blow off some steam and dad would get really mad at her for it.' Santana shook her head. 'You probably have memories growing up of birthday parties and field trips with your dads?'

'Yeah.' Rachel nodded.

'I have memories, where I'm sitting with my back to my bedroom door, hands over my ears and crying my eyes out, wondering which one of my parents would kill the other first.' Santana said, a tear falling down her face. She quickly wiped it away and continued. 'I was seven years old and I already knew what a divorce was, because I really wanted my parents to get one. I needed the shouting to stop. I needed to see people who weren't always so damn angry, and I needed to be around people who actually wanted me.'

'Is that when your dad started drinking?' Rachel asked after giving Santana a few moments to calm down.

'Yeah, but it got really bad after mum left. He didn't know what to do really, with anything. And especially with me. I just, I never understood why she waited so long? I knew at seven that she was unhappy. Why did it take another eight years for her to do something?' Rachel sat not knowing how to answer, watching Santana try to figure it out but coming up blank. 'Anyway, dad just didn't care any more, last year he lost his job and hasn't got another one. But then you know that.' Rachel nodded. 'So I don't know, if he… he hits me because he's bored and drunk, or because it's my fault that his wife is gone.' She looked up into Rachel's eyes. 'I really haven't got a fucking clue Rachel. And it kills me, all the time.'

'Santana…' Rachel whispered, reaching out and covering Santana's hand with her own. 'It's not your fault. You do not deserve anything that happened to you. And I'm sorry you still have to go through it.'

'Yeah well, what doesn't kill you right?' Santana smiled.

'Makes you stronger.' Rachel finished, even though she knew Santana wasn't stronger. She was in pain. This thought made Rachel's eyes wander to Santana's eye, Santana catching the look.

'It doesn't hurt. If that's what you're wondering.'

'No, I just…. How bad does it get Santana?' Rachel asked, the taller girl sighing after finishing off her coffee.

'This one time, I think the day after he lost his job, he must have been really drunk and really angry…' She paused, remembering back to that day.

'Santana, what?' Rachel said, the Latina's eyes darkening.

'He came into my room in the middle of the night….. and he tried to suffocate me with a pillow.' Santana whispered. 'Calling me a waste of space, and a good for nothing whore. I think he was so drunk he thought I was my mum.'

'What?' Rachel said, her voice shaking.

'I managed to kick him off because he was so drunk, then I ran over to Brittany's. But I think he would have actually killed me.'

'Why didn't Brittany say anything' Rachel wondered aloud.

'I told her I had a nightmare. And Brittany was even younger then so she pretty much believed anything I told her. I snuck out of her window in the morning and told her not to tell anyone about my nightmare because it would destroy my reputation at school.' Rachel nodding, another thought popping into her head.

'Is that why you're afraid to sleep?' Rachel asked, Santana nodding sadly.

'Haven't had a good nights sleep in a while.' She admitted, clearing her throat once more before sitting up and changing the subject. 'So, are we going back to school in time for glee?' .

'Erm… yeah, we can… if you want?' Rachel asked. Santana shrugged, wiping her face but careful not to smudge her make up.

'Whatever. I'll probably just sit in the back. I know you want to sing your song so…'

'Okay, yeah, but I think I might pick a different one.' Rachel informed her.

* * *

><p>They arrived back at school just in time for glee, Santana parking right at the back of the car park and then they both headed into the building. Almost everyone else had gone home apart from some other various after school activities so the halls were quiet. They rounded the corner into the choir room door and were immediately met with silence, everyone else there and staring at them. Finn was the first one to speak. 'Where have you been Rachel? I've been calling you all day?' He said, standing up and heading towards them. Santana knew that Finn was only interested in the smaller girl so she moved silently to the back of the room and took up her favourite position, Rachel watching her with sad eyes. 'Well?' Finn prompted.<p>

'Finn, we aren't a couple, I don't have to answer all of your calls, and I you don't need to know my whereabouts at all hours.' She said, moving around his large frame and heading to the chairs. Everyone was even more surprised when she climbed right to the back and took up a seat next to Santana.

'Where were you guys?' Quinn asked nicely, not planning on mentioning the darker colouring around Santana's eye when she was sure no one else noticed.

'We got coffee.' Rachel informed them.

'Together?' Rory asked.

'Yes, together.' Rachel defended, a sigh in her voice as she spoke. Thankfully Mr Schu walked into the room before more questions could be asked.

'Alright guys, who wants to kick us off today?' He said, throwing his coat into his office.

'Erm, Mr Schu?' Rachel said, putting her hand in the air.

'Oh right, I did say we would start with you today Rachel.' He smiled. 'Come on down.'

'Thanks.' She said, smiling at Santana who looked at her suspiciously, and stood in the centre of the room. 'So, I originally had something else to sing, but I decided on this one.' Rachel informed them. 'I want to dedicate it to…. To a friend.' She said, a careful glance up in Santana's direction so she knew it was for her.

'Great Rachel, take it away.' Mr Schu said, moving to sit next to Finn in the front row, the boy still with a slight confused scowl on his face.

_Hollow, like you don't remember me,  
><em>_Underneath everything I guess I always dreamed,  
><em>_That I would be the one to take you away,  
><em>_From all of this wasted pain.  
><em>_But I can't save you from yourself. _

_Don't you want to feel?  
><em>_Don't you want to live your life?  
><em>_How much longer are you going to give into this fear?  
><em>_Holding you down until you are frozen.  
><em>_I can't let you fall apart._

Rachel looked up from the spot she was staring at on the floor to look into the Latina's eyes, Santana responding with a small teary eyed smile before looking away and playing with the sleeves of her hoodie.

_You don't even know what you've done to me.  
><em>_But I would be the one to take you way,  
><em>_From all this wasted pain,  
><em>_If only you could awaken._

_Don't you want to feel?  
><em>_Don't you want to live your life?  
><em>_How much longer are you going to give into this fear?  
><em>_Holding you down until you're all alone.  
><em>_All alone and drowning in your past.  
><em>_Take it back, take it back,  
><em>_I still believe you can._

_Don't you want to feel?  
><em>_Don't you want to live your life?  
><em>_How much longer are you going to give into this fear?  
><em>_I can't go on pretending.  
><em>_So give me something real.  
><em>_No one in your way but you.  
><em>_How long are you going to give into this fear?  
><em>_Holding you down until you disappear._

She finished, the music coming to an end and everyone clapping. Rachel smiled shyly and moved back to her seat next to Santana, knocking her on the knee discreetly, the Latina returning the favour once she was seated and smiled. 'Well, that was great Rachel. Who was it for and why?'

'Erm, Mr Schu, I think I would rather keep that private. Just for now.' She added, hoping that one day Santana will let the glee club in.

'Okay, well we will respect that. Any one else have something?' He asked, turning back to the group.


	5. Field Of Innocence

**Field Of Innocence**

Glee club was over and everyone started to make their way home, Finn getting up and standing in front of Rachel and Santana as they got their things together. 'So, Rachel, I was wondering if I could give you a lift home?'

'I don't think that would be a good idea Finn.' She said, dismissing him and turning back to Santana.

'You can if you want Rachel, I don't mind.' Santana said, swinging her bag over her shoulder.

'No, we came together, and I…'

'You don't need to see me home Rachel. I'm a big girl.'

'I know you are Santana, doesn't mean I wont worry.' Rachel said, Santana nodding.

'Well how about this, I was actually going to hang around here for a bit, catch up on work. Why don't you let the giant take you home and I'll call you when I'm in later?'

'Are you sure?' Rachel asked, Finn rocking on his heels in the background.

'I'm positive okay, go.' She smiled, squeezing Rachel's arm comfortingly before heading out of the door.

'Shall we?' Finn grinned, allowing Rachel to walk out first and then following, directing her to his car as they left the building.

* * *

><p>Santana had planned on going to the library, skipping school was something she did often so she thought catching up might be a good idea. But then she changed her mind and headed to the auditorium. She climbed up on the stage, taking off her bag and her jumper, revealing a dark purple top covering her black skinnies. She twirled a couple of times and pictured a huge audience, cheering and singing along to her own songs. An album she hasn't started working on yet, but she was still young. Finally she stopped walking around and positioned herself on the edge of the stage, kicking her feet on the side and closing her eyes. It was at this point someone came into the auditorium, sneaking in the back row and watching the Latina contently. Quinn looked at her friend, sitting calm and alone on their stage, and was just about to go over to her when she started to sing. Quinn sat back in her seat and listened;<p>

_I still remember the world,  
><em>_From the eyes of a child.  
><em>_Slowly those feelings  
><em>_We're clouded by what I know now.  
><em>_  
>Where has my heart gone?<br>__An uneven trade for the real world.  
><em>_Oh I…. I want to go back to,  
><em>_Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all. _

_I still remember the sun,  
><em>_Always warm on my back,  
><em>_Somehow it seems colder to me now._

_Where has my heart gone?  
><em>_An uneven trade for the real world.  
><em>_Oh I…. I want to go back to,  
><em>_Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all. _

Quinn's head rose slightly as Santana sang the next verse. It was foreign, but not Spanish. Latin maybe?

_Iesu, Rex admirabilis,  
><em>_Et triumphator nobilis,  
><em>_Dulcedo ineffabilis,  
><em>_Touts desiderabilis._

_Where has my heart gone?  
><em>_An uneven trade for the real world.  
><em>_Oh I…. I want to go back to,  
><em>_Believing in everything _

_Oh where…..  
><em>_Where has my heart gone?  
><em>_Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.  
><em>_Oh I…. I want to go back to,  
><em>_Believing in everything.  
><em>_I still remember._

Santana finished singing, now standing up in the middle of the stage and breathing heavily, watching someone walk towards her. 'What are you doing here?' Santana asked, still panting slightly.

'I wanted to see if you were okay.' Quinn informed her. 'I saw you come in here but then you started to sing.'

'So, you were stalking me?'

'No Santana, I'm just worried about you.' Quinn said, leaning her hands on the edge of the stage, motioning for her friend to come and sit in front of her. Santana obliged, picking up her hoodie and slipping it over her head before crossing her legs on the stage in front of Quinn. 'What was that? In the middle of the song. Latin?'

'Yeah, it's a prayer.' Santana informed her.

'Can you translate please? I'm a little rusty on my Latin.' Quinn smiled, Santana doing the same and brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

'It means; O Jesus, King most wonderful, Thou conqueror renowned. Thou sweetness most ineffable. In whom all joys are found.' Santana informed her, never breaking her eye contact with the floor.

'Wow, old school.' Quinn laughed, pushing herself up so she was perched next to Santana with her legs over the edge.

'Yeah.' Santana whispered, Quinn carrying on the conversation.

'So Berry?' Quinn said, the brunette looking up at her.

'What about her?' Santana asked, playing everything down to no big deal.

'She said some things the other day, after glee, after you sang.'

'Yeah, what things?' Santana asked, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging herself.

'She pointed out that maybe you needed some help?'

'Thanks but I'm good. And I'm really glad that it took Rachel Berry letting you know something was wrong before you acted on it.' Santana said sarcastically, going to push herself up when Quinn grabbed her arm, stopping her. 'Quinn, please let go.' She whispered, Quinn seeing the fear in her eyes.

'Okay, sorry.' Quinn said sincerely, letting her go and watching as she hurried up onto her feet. 'How did you get that bruise Santana?'

'Slipped in the shower.' Santana said bluntly, walking away from the blonde with her back to her, picking up her bag and heading out the back way.

'Sure you did.' Quinn whispered once she had gone, sighing and jumping down off of the stage.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Rachel was sitting awkwardly in the passengers seat of Finn's rusty old car. She didn't even know what make it was. The only thing she was sure of is that it had been green in colour, before all of the paint had started to chip away at least. Finn was tapping his hands on the steering wheel to a tune on the radio, Rachel not really sure what to talk to him about any more so she just stayed quiet and prayed for the journey to pass quickly. No such luck as Finn had other ideas. 'I want to take you out to dinner.' He said, Rachel turning away from the window and looking at him.<p>

'I'm sorry, what?' Rachel swallowed, not sure she heard him right.

'Dinner. You and me, tomorrow night?' He asked.

'Finn, you broke up with me remember?'

'I know, but I wanted to try again. We can work it out, I know we can.' He smiled over at her as they waited at a traffic light, Rachel shaking her head.

'I don't think that's a good idea Finn.' She said, his smile dropping. 'But thank you for the offer.'

'But why? We're soul mates Rachel, cant you see that?'

'No Finn, we're not. The only reason you're even asking me out is because Quinn is back with Puck.'

'Come on Rachel…'

'See, you're not even denying it.' Rachel said, cutting him off. 'Now please take me home, I'm waiting for a call.'

'From who, Santana?' Finn said, almost sounding disgusted at the pronunciation of her name.

'Not that it's any of your business but yes, Santana and I have become friends.' Rachel informed him.

'Why? She's a bitch.' Finn stated, laughing when he said it.

'Really? Then why did you sleep with her last year?' Rachel said, fighting back.

'I was trying to make you jealous Rachel.' He reminded her. 'And I think a relationship with Santana would be like hell on earth. Figures that she never has a steady relationship.'

'That's unfair Finn.' Rachel said, her voice softening. 'You don't know her.'

'I know her enough to know that she's only good at one thing.' He grinned over at her. 'If you know what I mean.'

'You need to pull the car over Finn.' Rachel said quietly.

'What, why? I'm just stating the obvious.' Finn defended, Rachel already unplugging her seatbelt.

'Stop the car.' She ordered, Finn finally obeying and then Rachel opening the door.

'You know Finn, this is the first time since I've known you, when I actually really dislike you.' Rachel said, angrily slamming the door, leaving a confused Finn Hudson behind the wheel.

* * *

><p>The phone call she had been waiting for came at nine thirty that evening, Rachel letting her phone ring a few times so not to seem eager. 'Hey Berry.' She heard on the other end of the line.<p>

'Santana, hello.' Rachel reciprocated.

'So, thanks.' Santana mumbled out, a confused look running across Rachel's face a she moved to sit by her bedroom window.

'What are you thanking me for?' Rachel asked, listening to the other girl move around on her side.

'For singing me that song, in glee today.'

'No problem Santana, and I meant it, I want to help you.' Rachel said, listening to Santana breathing heavily. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah,' Santana said quickly, adjusting her position so that she was sitting between her bed and the wall. 'Quinn found me after school today.'

'Oh, what did she say?' Rachel asked casually.

'She said that she was worried about me, then asked how I got the bruise.'

'What did you say?' Rachel wanted to know, finding it highly unlikely that Santana would tell Quinn what really happened.

'Told her I slipped in the shower.' Santana admitted.

'You don't want her help then.' Rachel said, hearing Santana snort.

'No fucking way, I do not need Quinn Fabray's pity. Thank you very much.'

'Santana….' Rachel protested, but the Latina cut her off.

'No, no way am I telling Quinn. She doesn't give a shit alright.'

'Alright, whatever you want Santana, but I think you will need people to help you. People who love you.'

'Thanks Berry, but Quinn doesn't love me, she tolerates me.' Santana said, Rachel not sure how to respond so she remained quiet. 'So, are you back with the big friendly giant or what?' Santana asked.

'Don't call him that Santana, but no, we are not back together.' Rachel informed her.

'You're too good for him any way Rachel, don't let him be your anchor to this damn town alright. Get out as soon as you're given the chance.'

'Thank you Santana, and I had planned on doing that anyway.' Rachel told her, but then she looked down and saw movement on her front porch, a few moments later the doorbell ringing. 'Santana, there's someone at the door, I have to go.'

'Okay, see you later then, or whatever.' Santana said, hanging up the phone before the diva had a chance to reply. She then promptly hurried down the stairs and threw open the front door.

'Quinn?' She said. 'What are you doing here?' And then there was an awkward silence for a good few minutes. This had never happened before, neither girl really knowing what to do first. That is, until Quinn broke the silence.

'Are you just going to stand there Rachel, or are you going to invite me in?' Quinn asked, rocking on her heels in the Berry doorway.

'Oh, right, sorry Quinn.' Rachel said, stepping aside. 'Please, come in.'

'Thanks.' The blonde replied with a small smile, turning around as Rachel closed the door behind them.

'So, Quinn.' Rachel faced her. 'What do I owe the visit?' Although Rachel had a pretty good idea why the blonde was here.

'I wanted to talk to you about Santana.' She confirmed Rachel's thought, the diva nodding.

'Follow me then, can I get you something to drink?'

'It's pretty cold, do you have like, hot chocolate or something?' Quinn asked, Rachel motioning for her to sit around the table in the kitchen.

'I do, that sounds good actually.' She smiled, pulling two cups from the cupboard and putting some fresh water in the kettle. They sat awkwardly until Rachel made the drinks and placed them on the table.

'Thanks.' Quinn said, Rachel taking the seat beside her.

'So, Santana.' Rachel prompted.

'Yeah. That girl.' Quinn smiled, shaking her head and smiling. 'That girl needs help.'

'I know she does Quinn, and I'm trying, but she's so…'

'She's Santana.' Quinn said, Rachel nodding and smiling.

'So do you know then?' Rachel asked, not wanting to give anything away that Santana wouldn't want Quinn to know.

'I know that for the past few weeks of summer she was weirder than normal. She was distant and not as mean, which is very unlike her.' Quinn smiled.

'Yeah, I don't think she's bothered to insult me properly since last term.' Rachel thought back.

'That's because she likes you.' Quinn informed her.

'What do you mean? Santana despises me, she called me man-hands for the first three years of our relationship.' Rachel reminded the blonde.

'She was trying to push you away, don't you get that Rachel. It happened with me, it even happened with Brittany eventually.' Quinn said, Rachel listening contently. 'Think about it, who in glee hasn't she been mean to. Mercedes did that assignment with her before the year ended and Santana completely tore her down whenever she mentioned rehearsing at Santana's house.'

'I guess so.' Rachel sipped her drink, but then she had a thought. 'You've been to Santana's house then?'

'I have. I think you're only the third person to know where she really lives, after me and Brit.'

'But why doesn't she want our help? She could hang out here or at yours, she wouldn't have to be so alone all of the time.' Rachel queried, not understanding where the Latina was coming from.

'I take it she told you about her mother.' Quinn said, sipping her chocolate.

'Yeah, how'd you…?'

'She only tells people she feels safe with. Me, Brit, and now apparently that includes you. She doesn't want to be abandoned again.'

'Okay, so has she told you about her father?' Rachel said, the blonde's eyes screwing up in confusion.

'What about him? Is he still working really long hours or something?' Quinn asked, Rachel's eyes widening in shock. Quinn didn't know.

'Erm, yeah I suppose he is.' Rachel replied, not wanting to reveal Santana's secret.

'Rachel… what aren't you telling me?' Quinn questioned, placing her mug down on the counter.

'Nothing… look Quinn, I think we do need to help Santana.'

'Right, so how do we do that?' Quinn asked, letting the odd behaviour of the girl in front of her go for now. She would find out about Santana's father on her own.

'I don't know, just be there for her but don't ambush her okay, I'll think of something.' Rachel smiled, Quinn nodding an agreement before Rachel showed her out. The diva let out a long sigh of relief as she set herself against the door. She stood for a moment to compose herself before pushing off of the door and heading back upstairs. She picked up her phone and tried to call Santana, the other girls phone ringing seven times before the voicemail kicked in. She sighed again, placing her phone on charge by her bed and then heading for the shower.


	6. New Way To Bleed

**New Way To Bleed**

Santana threw her phone onto her bed, relived when the lights automatically came on throughout the house. Her dad must have made some money today, she thought, and then she heard the crashing from downstairs. 'Shit.' She whispered, hurrying over to her door and fastening the make shift lock she had applied to it. It was a loop of wire that hooked around her door handle, fastened to the wall next to the door with screws. She looped it over the handle and pulled on it to make sure. 'Good.' She sighed, stepping back and running a hand though her hair, walking until her back hit the far wall. She heard crash after crash, her dad's favourite thing to do when he came in from a shitty day. He would sit on the couch and throw empty beer bottles at the wall, the mirror, anything really, but the noise drove Santana crazy. She was actually surprised that the neighbours hadn't filed a noise complaint with the police. She slid down the wall and held her hands to her ears, bringing back memories of the old days, squeezing her eyes closed and thinking about anything else. She didn't notice her phone lighting up from where she threw it on the bed.

* * *

><p>Santana woke up the next morning in the same position as the night before. She must have fallen asleep at some point during the night, her back aching as she pushed herself up from the floor. She had a shower, a warm one, and then got ready for school before picking up her phone. Three missed calls and one message, all from Rachel. She opened the message;<p>

_Tried to call but you must be busy. Text me when you get this so I know your okay - R x_

Santana couldn't help but smile, replying with the following message;

_Calm down. I'm fine. See you at school - S_

She closed her phone and slipped it into the pocket of her black combats, opening her bedroom door and cautiously walking along the hall. She looked into her dads room but he wasn't there. The bed was messy, like it had been slept in, but she knew her dad has never made a bed in his life so that didn't mean anything. She then walked quietly down the stairs and looked around her living room. There was smashed glass littered all around the coffee table and on the floor below the mirror, which Santana would not be cleaning up, and then she saw the unmistakeable figure of her father. He was down the hall in the kitchen, she guessed putting on a pot of coffee, but she didn't want to stick around to find out. She was about to pull open the front door and leave when his voice boomed from behind her. 'Santana.' He said, sending a chill up her spine.

'Yeah dad.' She said, turning around.

'Where were you the other night?' He asked, walking up to her.

'At a friends.' She informed him, the large man walking up to within inches of her. She could still smell the booze on him from last night, and it wouldn't surprise her if he was still drunk.

'Well, don't do it again.' He said, turning around an walking away from her.

'Whatever.' She whispered, but not quietly enough. Mr Lopez turned back around with anger in his eyes.

'What did you say?' He said viciously, stepping back up to her.

'N.. nothing dad, I…..' She stuttered, but stopped when her father grabbed the top of her arm painfully.

'Don't you ever talk back to me. Do you understand?' He shouted, Santana too focused on the pain in the top of her left arm to respond, so he squeezed harder. 'I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?'

'Yes, yes, I understand…. Dad stop…. You're hurting me…' Santana begged.

'Good.' Mr Lopez said, opening the front door and practically threw her out. She managed to stay on her feet, and began walking away without looking back. Instead she took her phone out of her pocket with shaking hands and dialled Rachel's number.

'Hello Santana.' Rachel said cheerfully, but her mood quickly changed when she heard Santana. 'Santana, what's wrong?' She asked.

'C….can.. Can you come and get me?' Santana said, trying to compose herself.

'Of course. Where are you?' Rachel said, running downstairs and grabbing her keys off the side.

'The end of my road, there's a shop, I'm sitting outside.'

'Alright, I'm on my way.' Rachel said, hanging up the phone and running to her car.

Rachel pulled up along the side of the road about fifteen minutes later, and getting out of the car she couldn't see anyone, let alone Santana. She locked her vehicle and walked around to the back. A few seconds later she hear the sound of Santana's voice. It was quiet and it was broken, Rachel peering around the side of a dumpster and finally seeing her. She was walking around and kicking various items, cans and bottles, her bag on the floor next to the wall of the building and her hands in her pockets. She was singing;

_Save your twisted enemy,  
><em>_So you may earn forgiveness ,  
><em>_You know your whole world is waiting,  
><em>_So why can't you speak.  
><em>_I feel it coming over me,  
><em>_I'm still a slave to these dreams,  
><em>_Is this the end of everything?  
><em>_Or just a new way to bleed?_

Rachel watched as Santana sang quietly to herself, walking around behind the dirty one-stop all alone and feeling like no one will ever want her, and that she will never be good enough for anyone. Rachel place her hand over her mouth to stop herself crying and just listened. She felt that Santana needed this moment. She needed a moment to vent. Rachel didn't know what went on that morning, but she would soon enough, so for now she would let her friend be.

_So go and tell your friends,  
><em>_That I'm a failure underneath.  
><em>_If it makes you feel like a bigger man,  
><em>_But it's my, my heart, my life,  
><em>_That you're calling a lie.  
><em>_I've played this game before,  
><em>_And I cant take it any more. _

Rachel heard a sob echo through the Latina's words, the taller girl frustratingly kicking an empty can so hard that it bounced off of the shop wall, before continuing with her song.

_I feel it coming over me,  
><em>_I'm still a slave to these dreams,  
><em>_Is this the end of everything?  
><em>_Or just a new way to bleed?_

_By drifting far beyond the edge,  
><em>_Freedom, freedom,  
><em>_Can't you feel the ground caving in?  
><em>_Freedom,  
><em>_Give us a reason to believe again. _

_I'm still a slave to these dreams,  
><em>_Is this the end of everything?  
><em>_Or just a new way to bleed?_

Santana stopped, breathing heavily and then sitting on the floor next to her bag. Rachel wondered what the appropriate amount of time to wait before waking over and announcing her presence, but Santana looked like she needed someone right away. Rachel got up and moved around the dumpster, Santana's blood shot eyes looking up at her. 'Hey Berry.' She whispered, wiping her nose on the cuff of her jacket.

'Hi Santana.' Rachel replied, moving to sit next to her. 'I'm going to put my arm over your shoulder and I'm going to hug you, okay?' Rachel asked, not wanting to scare her, or make her feel threatened.

'Yeah, okay.' Santana said, and it sounded like all the fight had finally been drained out of her. Santana set her head on Rachel's shoulder and leaned in, reaching around with her right arm and hugging Rachel tight, before crying as hard as she could.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later and they had finally made their way back to Rachel's car, Santana sitting in the passengers seat quietly while Rachel started the engine. 'Were you on your way to school?' Rachel asked.<p>

'Yeah.' Santana confirmed, the diva then looking at the car.

'But it's only seven thirty now.' Rachel said, wondering why she was leaving so early.

'Better there than here right.' Santana smiled sadly as she looked at Rachel.

'Okay, well I still need to get ready, so do you want to come back to mine and wait for me?'

'Please.' Santana said, her voice sounding like she could cry again.

'Okay.' Rachel smiled, squeezing Santana comfortingly on the knee before heading off. 'Do you want to tell me what happened?'

'Dad was drunk last night. That's why I didn't get your calls, I just couldn't move, I couldn't leave without pissing him off. I didn't know what to do.' Santana said, breathing in heavily to stop herself crying.

'It's okay Santana.'

'No, it's really not.' She said. 'He does this thing when he's drunk, he throws bottles at the wall and at anything that gets in his way.'

'Santana, did he throw something at you? Did he hurt you?' Rachel asked, panic rising in her voice.

'No, no not this time.' Santana said, and Rachel really wish that made her feel better but it didn't. 'He was still drunk this morning and I said something….. I was stupid and he got mad, and I forgot to grab my keys when he threw me out.'

'Santana, I'm so sorry.' Rachel said as they rounded the corner into her road.

'Yeah, and do you have an ice pack?' Santana queried.

'I have one. But Santana you told me he didn't hurt you.' Rachel said angrily, pulling up onto her drive and parking the car.

'It's just a bit sore okay, but whatever, I can live without an ice pack so forget I said anything.' Santana said, pushing open her door and walking up to Rachel's house with the diva close behind.

'No, come on.' Rachel said, taking Santana's hand and leading her up to the bathroom. 'Here.' She said, holding out an ice pack.

'Thanks.' Santana said, taking it and placing it on the sink before dumping her bag and coat on the floor. She then rolled up the sleeve of her left arm, Rachel's eyes widening at what she saw.

'Santana…'

'It's fine Berry.' She laughed. 'This is actually pretty tame for him.'

'That's not the point Santana.' Rachel said, looking at the dark purple hand print on the top of Santana's arm. She wondered how hard someone would have to squeeze to make that mark, the thought making her shudder.

'Didn't you say you had to get ready?' Santana reminded her.

'Oh, yeah I do.' Rachel said, her hair not done and her bag not packed. 'I'll be quick, but there's coffee downstairs if you want any.',

'Thanks.' Santana smiled, slightly wincing as she moved the ice pack around, watching as Rachel left the room. She sighed and lent backwards on the sink, lowering her head and resisting the urge to scream.

* * *

><p>They walked into school early, earlier than normal, and headed to the choir room to hang out before everyone else arrived. They were sitting on the seats at the back of the room when Rachel broke the silence. 'So Quinn stopped by my house last night.'<p>

'Really,' Santana looked up at her. 'I bet that was fun.

'It was, interesting.' Rachel confirmed. 'And she knew about your mum?' Rachel questioned.

'Yeah, she and Brit were the only people I told. They were the only people who cared at the time.' Santana said.' But then I did what I always do, I pushed them away.'

'That's what Quinn said.' Rachel informed her, shifting in her seat. 'She doesn't know about your dad.'

'Good.' Santana said. 'That's how I want it to stay.'

'Santana come on, you need a support system here.' Rachel pleaded.

'I have you don't I?'

'Of course you do.' Rachel nodded.

'Well then, I have all the support I need.' Santana said. 'Wait, you didn't tell her anything did you?'

'No, no I wouldn't do that Santana, but I thought you could tell her yourself.'

'What!' Santana yelled, standing up from her seat. 'What did you do Berry?'

'I texted Quinn and told her we'd be here. She's meeting us in five minutes.'

'Rachel, how could you do that?' Santana looked at her with tears in her eyes. 'I thought.. I thought I could trust you…' She said, walking away and reaching the door. But right then she bumped into the blonde.

'Woah Santana, where do you think you're going?' Quinn said, putting both hands up to block the exit.

'I'm getting the fuck out of here.' She said, turning to use the other door when she felt a hand on her shoulder, her already hurting shoulder. 'Ahh, shit.' She winced, pulling away and sending herself backwards into the wall.'

'Santana, San, I'm sorry, are you okay?' Quinn asked, walking up to her and seeing the brunette clutching her shoulder. 'What happened?'

'Nothing.. I'm fine.' Santana said, wiping some new tears from her face.

'I don't believe you. Rachel..' She turned to the smaller girl. 'What happened?'

'Quinn, it's not my place to say.' Rachel said firmly, Santana moving back over to sit down because they clearly weren't going to let her leave.

'Santana please, I know we haven't been close lately, but I still care about you. Please let me in.' She begged, sitting in the chair in front of the Latina with Rachel at her side.

'Quinn…' Santana started, but tears took over her once more. 'I'm sorry.' She managed to sob out, the blonde moving up to her and trying to console her. 'No! no, please.' Santana shouted, scooting backwards in her chair.

'Okay, I'm sorry.' Quinn said, her hands raised in defence.

'Rach…' Santana said, looking down at the smaller girl who knew what she needed. She needed someone to explain for her.

'Quinn you may want to sit back down.' Rachel said, the blonde nodding and taking her seat. 'So, Santana hasn't told me everything I'm sure, but there's one major thing that she needs our help with.'

'Rachel just tell me.' Quinn said, dreading what it could be but having a feeling she knew.

'Santana's dad is violent towards her, he has been for some time now. He lost his job at the hospital and has taken up alcohol as his new hobby, his only hobby.' Rachel said, getting straight to the point.

'Oh my God, Santana….. I'm…' Quinn looked at her, about to speak but Santana cut her off.

'I know, you're sorry.' She said, Quinn nodding.

'What can I do?' She asked.

'Nothing, just..' Santana swallowed. 'Just don't tell anyone, and please don't leave me.' Santana begged.

'I wont I promise.' Quinn said. 'Everything will be better, okay Santana, you can stay at mine or at Rachel's and we can….'

'Protect me?' Santana said, almost laughing.

'Why are you laughing? We can protect you Santana.' Rachel said.

'No you can't.' She informed them. 'This morning, he asked me where I was yesterday night.' Santana looked up at them.

'You were with me.' Rachel said.

'I know, and I told him I stayed at a friends and he told me not to do it again.'

'But Santana, you can't keep going back there, if what happened this morning…..'

'Rachel, no matter how long I'm MIA for, a week, two weeks, I will still have to go back. If you thought this morning was bad..' She laughed. 'Believe me when I say, this was nothing.'

'Wait, what happened this morning? Is that why your shoulder hurts?'

'Yeah Q, just drop it.' Santana said, the bell for first period ringing through the room.

'Okay, but can we please meet back here at lunch, just to talk?'

'Sure.' Santana said, grabbing her bag and walking out of the room. Quinn and Rachel simply looked at each other for a moment before following.

* * *

><p><strong>so... this is kind of all i've written for this fic at the moment. i havent written anything in a few days so it might take a while to update.<strong>

**Thanks for being patient and i'll try and update soon!**

**xx :)**


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